We saw an array of beautifully coloured birds, from small Rainbow Parakeets to Emus and Cassowaries. We saw Wombats, Dingoes (no baby stealing though) Koalas (they have a really beautiful coat. It feels like the softest, thickest, lambs wool you can imagine) Kangaroos (complete with Joey’s in pouch) a bunch of delightfully deadly snakes and of course the stars of the show (well after Steveo himself of course) Crocodiles!

We watch the crocs have a feed, and in the words of the great man himself “By crikey!” can they feed. We saw one of these monster reptiles, who went by the name Acco (I wanted to see Agro, a far better name for a Croc) He was a fairly reasonable 16 foot in length and weighed in at a healthy 1 ton. Which, we were reliably informed, is only about one third of what they can reach. A three ton ambush machine. That could be pretty menacing to come nose to gnashers with. Acco seemed to be fairly hungry judging by the way he devoured a chicken, a rabbit and various slabs of meat in no time at all. He was also pretty brutish the way he treated his “girlfriend”. There was no doubting which Croc wore the trousers in that pond. As a pretty big, and absolutely gorgeous beastie, Acco could pack a pretty mean punch. Well he probably could if he could make a fist. As it is, his tail is powerful enough to bring down a man, his jaws, which make an absolutely extraordinary clashing noise when they come together with a pressure of 3000 PSI (I believe that standard atmospheric pressure is 14.7 PSI so we’re talking about pretty significant compression. By way of comparison this apparently dwarfs the bite pressure of a Great White Shark and a human can bite down fairly significantly through, say, ear, this was of course proven by famous nibbler Mike Tyson, but a human couldn’t chomp straight through bone, turtle shell and hoof or horn. So on balance I think I’d most like to have the great white bite. At least you’d get on the news and possibly still be alive to watch it. Sure you’d maybe survive a Tyson bite to the lug… I’ve no idea if he has rabies, but a mauling by a crocodile…fugedaboutit!) Of course they’re not that likely to attack you, they can survive on one good feed a year. But remember that if a croc hasn’t dined on say, a large buffalo in the past few months you could make for a pretty tasty snack. Still I guess you’d be safe if you weren’t in the water, or particularly close to the water, or actually in Australia really.

Sadly the man we all came to see wasn’t around, so we had to pose with life size posters and hope no one spotted the difference. Sad, but true. However I was able to chat with Steve’s substitute, the knowledge Croc Man in Waiting, Toby, about the differences between the giant Aussie Saltwater Crocodiles and the Nile Crocodile, that are, predictably enough, found in Africa. Quite interesting stuff, if like me, you’re fascinated by these ancient, but still thriving dinosaurs. If you want to know more please email and I’ll pass on the knowledge.